"It never was easy for me...I was born a poor black child."
"The new phone book's here! The new phone book's here! I am somebody!"
"Dear Navin, I am writing to tell you nyuh. Kur reh tuu fah drrr gwww nyuh!"
"You shouldn't call him Lifesaver, you should call him Shithead!"
"oh Lawdy, pick a bale o' cotton. Oh Lawdy, pick a bale a day! Me and my wife gonna pick a bale o' cotton, me and my wife gonna pick a bale a day!"
"He hates these cans!"
"He hates these cans too!"
"I'm picking out a thermos for you! Not an ordinary thermos for you! It's made of plastic, it's red and white, it keeps your drink warm, with a cup built right in! I'm picking out a thermos for you, and maybe a thermometer too...!"
"I don't need anything. I don't need anything in the world. Well, maybe except for this tv remote. This tv remote, and I don't need anything else! Well, and maybe this chair. This chair, this tv remote, and that's it! I don't need anything else! Well..."
"Pay to the order of Joe Johnson, one dollar and seven cents!"
where do you get these websites? i thought you hardly have time to breathe at work, much less websurf. they are hilarious though, including the one from your previous website with the horse around someone's neck.
"You'd think at a fancy restaurant like this you'd be able to keep the snails off the food! There are so many snails in there you can't see the food. Remove them! Bring me the cheese sandwich appetizers you talked me out of."
9 comments:
"It never was easy for me...I was born a poor black child."
"The new phone book's here! The new phone book's here! I am somebody!"
"Dear Navin, I am writing to tell you nyuh. Kur reh tuu fah drrr gwww nyuh!"
"You shouldn't call him Lifesaver, you should call him Shithead!"
"oh Lawdy, pick a bale o' cotton. Oh Lawdy, pick a bale a day! Me and my wife gonna pick a bale o' cotton, me and my wife gonna pick a bale a day!"
"He hates these cans!"
"He hates these cans too!"
"I'm picking out a thermos for you! Not an ordinary thermos for you! It's made of plastic, it's red and white, it keeps your drink warm, with a cup built right in! I'm picking out a thermos for you, and maybe a thermometer too...!"
"I don't need anything. I don't need anything in the world. Well, maybe except for this tv remote. This tv remote, and I don't need anything else! Well, and maybe this chair. This chair, this tv remote, and that's it! I don't need anything else! Well..."
"Pay to the order of Joe Johnson, one dollar and seven cents!"
"Sir! You are talking to a ......!!!!!!!!"
One of my all-time favorites.
where do you get these websites? i thought you hardly have time to breathe at work, much less websurf. they are hilarious though, including the one from your previous website with the horse around someone's neck.
"I wish I could get that excited about nothing."
""You'd love her, Mom. She looks just
like you, except she's white and blonde."
"Use the Opti-Grab."
"Cat juggling...could there be a God that would let this happen?"
I don't need you...I don't need anything...except this remote control...and this magazine...and this chair...
Anyone who loves The Jerk as much as I do is a friend indeed! Either that or our sense of humor is that warped... ;)
"First I get my name in the phone book and now I'm on your ass. You know, I'll bet more people see that than the phone book."
"You'd think at a fancy restaurant like this
you'd be able to keep the snails off the food! There are so many snails in there you can't see the food. Remove them! Bring me the cheese sandwich appetizers you talked me out of."
Yeah, apparently "shit...shinola," reduces the offensive power of the f-bomb.
"Bring us some fresh wine. The freshest you've got. This year's. No more of this old stuff."
"DIE GAS PUMPER!!!!!!!!!"
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