Ten Insights by Steven Wright
A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
If you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain.
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.